I'm Sorry But I'm Leaving Now

You should know that I didn't mean to do it. And I'm sorry. But I can't come back.

I went to the entrance to the new tunnel in sector 137 because I heard that something bad had happened. When I got there, they were pulling them out on stretchers, the Canaries were, I didn't know them. They had breathers on. They go down when the air is bad.

The bodies were all twisted up, like it hurt real bad. They had foam on their mouths, and there was blood coming out of them. It had soaked the stretchers and some dripped on the floor. The Mechs still had their engines going, so you smell the smoke, and then the puke, and then you see them when they come out of the tunnel.

There was...the Assistant Director for that Sector. He was talking quiet to a man next to him in a 'viro suit. I didn't mean to hear, but it was so quiet, with some watching but not talking at all, and the stretchers, and the smell - no one else was talking, so I heard. They don't notice me - they say its loud down here, I don't know, it was quiet to me.

"Looks like our previous estimates of noxious gases were accurate after all. Must've hit some sort of larger pocket that was just slowly venting before through a crevice perhaps. Don't worry," the man in the suit tensed up like he's going to leave "it isn't dangerous for us up here. We can send more recovery teams to clear up the gases - they're mostly flammable, you know. But this shouldn't slow down production so much that we miss the quota."

The other voice was tinny and echo-y in the suit. "You'd better fucking hope not. You'll be lucky if you still have a job after this loss - its the third in this sector this week!"

And I knew. I knew their faces. Grinder. Junior. Clock. A cave-in when a support-beam went out. Joshua and Jens when a cable went. Now these four. I knew one of them, one of the Greaser twins, where's his brother? And there's a Gogajin. I saw their faces, all twisted so it's hard to look at them.

The AD was talking again "...understand, we actually save money this way. Canaries are expensive - hard to train, and the quality of the equipment they need means wear-and-tear really digs into our bottom line. They take forever to come back with a reading. And it wasn't a sure thing here. So we sent these down as a test-case. Its all in my report. Saved us a couple hundred, and will save more in the long run. This means that our third-quarter earnings..."

I wasn't listening anymore. I was behind them. I reached out to get their attention, but its my steel arm that reaches out, smears grease on the AD's suit, hits him kind of heavy. Something is happening. A test-case. No Canaries sent down first. And they knew. I feel really sick.

He turned around, red-faced, and I get the headache they give you, but its not so bad all of a sudden. A ringing in my ears, that's it. He's all white in the face.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing? Get your fucking appendage off of me!"

From nowhere, [APPENDAGE - APPENDIX - SOMETHING ADDED ON].

The thoughts came from the same place the pain does.

He didn't understand, but suddenly, I did.

I began to boil. "You - we're not - appendages!" Suddenly I was up in front of him, standing straight. "We're not added on! We're -" I couldn't finish. My hand...I had the hand on, and it gripped him, around the neck. Squeezed. Hard.

The man in the 'viro suit is screaming something in his helmet, making it fog up. He emptied a gun into me, and one bullet hit flesh, but I didn't feel it, didn't even hear it. I boiled and boiled.

The Assistant Director's face turned red, then purple, really quick. "Agk! Bragk!" He tried to say something. His legs kicked and kicked as I held him in the air.

I thought of something clear and I said it and only remembered it after. "You don't think we're listening but we are! You don't listen! We'll make you listen!"

He looked at me, his eyes all wide and staring, but he wasn't listening. He stopped kicking. His head hung at a bad angle, his face all twisted up like...like the others on the stretchers. The man in the 'viro suit shouted into a device and I got scared. I hit him with my arm and he crumbled to the ground. I heard a tinny voice coming from the device.

I looked up and the Canaries had put down the stretchers they carried. They were looking at me. Everyone was looking at me. Mechified, steaming, healthy heat coming off of them. All of us together, just looking.

One came forward - a Noomatic. She said "Moses. They'll come for you now. You have to run."

"Where do I run?" Down. There's always down. Or - up and out?

"We can help you, but you have to come with us. Now."

I was moving before I felt myself decide, the pain pushing me, like a hand on my back. I want it to stop making me do things. And I want it to make me stronger so no one can stop me.

Now the pain is all I have.

I'm sorry. I don't want to kill anyone, but...

We are not your appendages.