Episode 6: Surrender Or Else

Dusk.

Everything is like bile. It burns. I see them, and now its so clear. Stupid. They're just like each other. Standing like they're taller than they are. The little bright knives. Glittering eyes that go like one-way glass when they decide to kill. And they call us machines.

I lost it. I lost everything. I lost everything. I lost it because she took it from me, and I lost it because I let go. I lost because...because I'm just like them. I'm not any different. It just takes me longer to see.

It was working. Damn you, you didn't know! It was working! And I was right. It had to end this way, or it would never end. It will never end now. You've done that.

I'm drowning in all this blood. Its so heavy. I see them. No one else sees, no one else cares, but I see...I care.


Afternoon.

When I hear her voice, I know she's killed us all. Some have to die for the freedom of many. Some have to die. Some Mechified have to die so that you can get what you want! Why didn't you kill me? Why didn't you fucking kill me when you had the chance!? You're going to kill me either way. You're killing me now. I'm dying. I know it, I feel it fall away.

Gone.

I saw it then, but I couldn't put it into words until now.


Noon.

Marching through the city, I see them watching me. The see me, and they can't believe it. Its their Symbol, marching along, with Goshi. I can't look at them. I grit my teeth so they don't see. Blink my eyes. You think I don't know what this looks like? If I don't hurt you this way, they'll keep hurting you worse, until its over and we lose everything. I have to hurt you. I have to make you see. See your Symbol. I'm just your Symbol for one more day, and then I'm done. I know they're going to kill me and I'm not afraid.

I thought I knew my Purpose - to survive. I didn't know...what I would have to survive. I didn't know what I would have to pay.

I can't let you kill for me anymore, I want to say. I can't watch you die for me, thinking it means something. But I can't find my voice. I see them, their bodies bursting as bullets find their way out in a spray of blood. I see their eyes on me before their ghosts leave them. I see them again and again. No more. This is the only way. This has to work, it has to end now, or it will never end.

So watch your Symbol. You have to watch, and you have to see. You call me a Symbol. Look at me!

Even then, when I was doing it myself, I could see, not until now.


Morning.

I have to know for myself. I don't...I don't know what Highdive is doing - I think its going wrong, but I didn't...I can't do this alone. But everyone is gone. The Gogajin won't help - they'll try to help, but I can't let them. Highdive brought him to me. Now I have to make my decision.

Once I finally see, its easy.

I feel...I feel like I'm waking up. The gift I was given, long ago, when I left my home...with the Biomade...even I could tell she didn't know what it was. My 'mother' - she played mother like a game, but it was all I had. And she was excited, knowing it wasn't supposed to be out of the vault, wasn't supposed to be mine.

It attached so easily, like it was meant to be there. And then suddenly I knew that it saw me, that it knew me, that it was thinking. And I got so sleepy. Everything got so simple. I dreamed of it clicking, deep inside of me. I dreamed that it pulled at me, that it whispered but I couldn't hear.

I feel like I'm waking up after a long time.

I see so clearly - in the dingy sunlight coming through the window. The Gogajin rolling dice and trying to be quiet. The dripping faucet. Highdive's bullet-wound - why did they shoot her? Let them shoot me. Ha. Let them try. Something isn't right. So I need to go, find out. I need to do it before someone does it for me. Never again.

I do this, and then I come to an end. This is my Purpose.

I walk out. Brothers and sisters pass me by, not seeing their Symbol. When I'm close, no one sees me. They only see me when I'm far away.

He's surprised. I know why I'm here and there is no fear. We're not going to talk with snipers where they can shoot me when they want. You're going to talk to me where I want to talk, and you're going to see that I am not afraid of you, but you are afraid of me.

Now, I have to find out what I'm worth. I'll finally know. I know what I'm worth to Sue and the Army - too much. Far too much. But what am I worth to you, Goshi-man? Do some math and tell me what I'm worth.

Taking those steps out into the light, I lived it before I knew what I was doing.


Dusk...

I have your answer. You want to know why Kyoshi made a promise to people like that. I have your answer.

"When you make a promise, it doesn't matter who you make it to. It doesn't matter. What matters is what you do. If you keep it, or if you break it. It doesn't matter what everyone else does. You do what needs to be done, you tell the truth, and you pay your own price. No one pays for you."

I turn to look at Rei. [and your sister] I lost it because of you. [feel my heart breaking when I hear your voice] I lost it because of Sue, because of Goshi [his neck snaps in my hand], because of Hurricane [I wanted to jump and take her with me]...because I waited too long to pay my own price [blood all over me]. I let others pay for me, I let them make me their Symbol [his head splits when the bullet hits it, his eyes fixed on me go dark]. I let them pay for me because I thought it would be something good [blood and fire, the foundry]. Some have to die for the freedom of many? [snarling frustration] No. NO. NO! [shaking you] We do not tell other people when they die! I know I'm no better than you, now. So you have to see. You have to start to see!. I know I'm stupid, [I know you know] but I can see it when you can't. So who's stupid? [who blinded you?]

And never forget that I am not like you. [really, Moses?] I. Am. Not. Like. You. [they're dead just the same - murderer-Moses] I know I'm no better than you, but you do not tell other people when to die, and you do not tell me who I am.

Its wrong. And if you can't see that, then you belong with your family. [I want you to leave/I don't want you to leave]

They probably think I'm being stupid again because I stare at her for a long time [I know you're listening now]. Her sister looks bored. Fuck her sister. Are you listening too? Watch me and learn what it means to be Cheldrun, you vat-grown...!

I see now. There's blood on all of us. Maybe I can help Kyoshi somehow, and then there's nothing for me here but more blood [others] and tears [mine] and bile [swallow it].