Meditations

It had not occurred to me until I saw the tears in her eyes that Aimi was a person. Not really. She was an obstacle, a psychotic Biomade assassin that had caused no end of trouble for me and seemed to have a dangerous obsession; until I looked into her eyes in confusion and asked what she was talking about. In that moment I saw pain, real, visceral pain, and I realized that deep down inside she was just a fifteen year old girl who had been buried under years of training and conditioning and torture, both mental and physical, and who, for some strange reason of her own, had reached out to me, even if she did not realize what she was doing. She did not deserve this; none of them did. In the end she was just another victim, a Cheldrun who might have been able to have a normal life if it were not for her circumstances. The moment passed quickly, and she quickly covered it up with her usual bluster and irreverence... but I had seen who she really was, if only for a moment. Hopefully she would not kill me for that.

***

I meditated. I calmed my thoughts, relaxed my body, and slipped into the Void. Not plunging in, like I would do for battle, wrapping it about me like a shell; rather I slid in seamlessly, effortlessly, and let my thoughts drift away. Sometimes my mind showed me things it thought I should remember at times like this, and so it did now.

***

I held a cold, wet cloth to my eye to minimize the bruising. Master Yoshitaka sat next to me and offered me a rice ball, which I gratefully accepted. He did not speak. He did not ask why he had walked into the dojo to find me fighting (and losing badly to) his top student while the rest of the class watched. He just sat, patiently, and ate his sticky rice while he waited for me to speak. Finally I said "I am sorry, Master."

Without looking up from his rice he asked "And did you do something to be ashamed of?"

I nodded glumly. "I let my pride rule me and got in a fight I could not win. I broke the rules of the dojo and attacked another student outside of a formal bout. I would not blame you if you turn me away after this."

Still seeming to not pay me any attention, he asked me "And what could have made you so foolish as to do something like that? Hmm?"

I was not sure whether to be relieved or offended that he seemed to think my actions were of far less importance than his lunch. "Ryuunosuke was picking on the other students. He was bragging about how much better of a swordsman he was, and he... he said he was going to get genetic enhancements when he reached majority, to make himself even better than any of us could hope to be."

"And for this, you attacked him?"

"No! What he said angered me, yes, but I would not allow myself to be so easily goaded. Tsubasa, though... he spoke against Ryuunosuke, denounced him and said that his words were hollow, traitorous... and without honor."

"Do you think that was wise?"

"He was right!"

"That does not answer my question."

I sighed. "No, no it was not a wise thing to say. Tsubasa is still in his second year and half the size of Ryuunosuke; he could not hope to challenge him."

"But you still think he was right?"

"Yes, but... not for him."

Master Yoshitaka looked up at me then, looked right into my eyes and said "For another, perhaps, it was the right course?"

I nodded.

He chuckled. "It is good that you can understand the difference; sometimes the right choice is not the wise one. The path of the wise man and the path of the righteous man do not always coincide; often, but not always. And a course that is wise for some, right for some, maybe even necessary for one man, is not necessarily so for another. Many men older even than I have not yet learned that lesson." He nodded and went back to his rice ball. "Continue."

"Well, Ryuunosuke decided to punish Tsubasa, of course and I... I said I would not let him. I stood between them and... we fought. By the time you entered the dojo I was soundly beaten."

"Standing up for those weaker than yourself against those that would bully them; that was your shameful action, then?"

"What? No, I... I knew I could not defeat him. I should have gone to get you instead of fighting him myself. You were not far away; if I had ran, we could have been back in time to keep Ryuunosuke from hurting him badly."

"And if I had not been?"

"Pardon, Master?"

"If I had not been nearby, what then? If you had ran and let Ryuunosuke drub Tsubasa, perhaps hurt him badly, and I was nowhere to be found to help him? If the weak had been hurt and the other students had been cowed, or, worse, started to believe all of Ryuunosuke's claims after seeing him beat his only dissenter? What then? Would that have been a better course than a few bruises? Than showing your fellow students that you are willing to fight for them, for your beliefs, for your honor?"

"So, you are saying that even if I was not skilled enough to defeat him, it was still the right thing to do to fight him? Because I was defending those who were even less skilled than I?"

Master Yoshitaka finished his meal and looked up at me again, his eyes flashing. "Duty" he said. "That is the linchpin of honor, and you have learned the lesson well. It was right because it was your duty. You always were my best student."

I gave a disbelieving laugh. "But Master, surely you jest! Ryuunosuke proved himself not an hour ago a better swordsman, and he is far from the only student I could not defeat!"

He snorted. "And sometimes you remain dense. Did I say you were my best warrior? No, Ryuunosuke is that, and a thug besides, a bully. You, Kiyoshi, are my best student because you understand that in order to achieve victory you must use not only your blade, but also your heart and your mind. You are, what, sixteen summers? And yet you already can hold the Void better than any of the other students. Perhaps one day you will achieve mastery and be able to hold onto it indefinitely without fatiguing yourself. You have that potential, Kiyoshi, and so much more. Just remember always the lesson that you have taught yourself this day: duty, to yourself, to your family and clan, and to all Cheldrun."

I nodded. "Thank you Master. I swear I will always strive to make you proud. I will always strive to live up to the vision of the First Minds."

***

I was disturbed from my meditations by Sever and Stitch trying to goad me, to pick a fight. To fight them then would have been neither wise, nor right and so I ignored them until they got bored and left me.

***

It was all happening too fast. The video screen that Aimi had set up between us showed utter chaos in the Landing Square. Panicking soldiers, panicking Mechified, Rei fighting another woman who appeared to be a powerful psychic, poor Moses, his dreams for peace shattered... and Sankai... Ichiro's mecha. What was he doing there? His duty was to the clan, damn it! What had the others talked him into?

I stared, powerless at the screen. Particularly I stared at the metallic forms of Sankai and Moses. Damn it, I should be the one out there! It was my duty, my place! Ichiro had to think of his wife and unborn child, our sister, the entire Silver Phoenix clan; he could not help them this way! And Moses! I would not claim that I am stronger than him; not by a long shot. But I am harder. If he continues along this path, it will destroy him, or corrupt that which makes him pure, that which makes him suitable to even be a Symbol. It will leave him nothing but a husk as each of his dreams and beliefs dies one by one. I would probably be destroyed too, but not as quickly, and when it happens... well, the world can probably do with one less bureaucrat. Besides, it was my Duty. I will protect those that do not even see the danger coming. Moses. Rei. I look up at Aimi, staring avidly at the screen. Yes, her too. I had to convince her to let me go out there! I had to! I felt the need growing inside me, overwhelming me, and something else with it... I knew then what I had to do.