Fever Dreams

My feet slid in the mud of Washisan Academy's training yard and I nearly fell. I was used to training in all conditions, but I was certainly not used to doing it while weighing a few tons. I recovered from my momentary stumble and struck back wildly trying to drive my opponent back far enough that I could fully regain my balance. He dodged, seemingly effortlessly compared to my clumsy movements, and my massive weapon nearly took out a pillar before I checked it.

"Be more careful, Kiyoshi!" came Ichirou's voice from the other mecha. "This is not the practice yard at the dojo with wooden bokken; a mecha can be as dangerous to your surroundings as to your opponent. A single misstep could collapse an outbuilding and someone could be seriously injured or even killed."

*FLASH*

"You did kill a man, you know."

I find myself in a strange place. All around me is nothing but blackness. Not darkness, because I can see myself clearly, but all around me there is... nothing but black. I turn to see who spoke. "Moses?"

Moses is standing there, floating in the blackness as I am. His forehead furrows as if he is trying to think really hard for a moment, then he says "Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm your conscience. I just look like Moses right now."

"Ah. I guess that makes sense."

"Like I said, you killed someone. Three men, actually. Not Oni or anything; your fellow Cheldrun."

"Yeah, I know. The sniper and two Hei Shi."

"Yep. So how does it feel being a killer? I thought that killing Cheldrun was the one thing you said you would not do?"

"I do not like it; I hope I never do. But I did what was necessary."

"And what defines necessity?" I look up and find that Moses is gone. This last question had been asked by an image of Rei standing in his place.

"Who are you supposed to be?"

"Let's just call me your... practicality. It is easy to do horrendous things if you can justify their 'necessity'. What makes it necessary to kill?"

"I will kill to preserve my life, and that of my companions, or of those who cannot defend themselves."

"What about for honor?"

"My honor is easily worth my life."

"That is not the question I asked and you know it! I am not asking if your honor is worth your life; the question is, is it worth the life of another? An enemy? An innocent? A... friend?"

I open my mouth to answer, then close it. Eventually I answer simply. "I do not know."

Rei nods. "An honest answer, if not a good one. You will probably want to figure it out though, before it comes up, or you might not like the choice that is forced upon you."

*FLASH*

"What do you mean you do not want her? This mecha has been in our family almost as long as mine, and father's! It is your birthright! How can you throw that in our face?" Ichirou was angry like I had never seen him. He seemed to take my pronouncement as a personal insult.

"You saw how I was out there. Being in a mecha simply did not feel... natural to me. Let Naomi have her; you know how much she moons about the Academy wishing to be a pilot. When she reaches majority she can do just that. I simply do not feel that is the road I wish to take."

"What will people say if the son of the Grand Master of Washisan Academy refuses to become a pilot?"

"I don't know! Make something up to make it seem like I was unfit somehow! Tell them... tell them my vision is too poor! I will start wearing glasses all the time. And, of course, I could never sully the purity of the family be getting modifications to correct the problem... yes, that should work nicely."

Ichirou looked at me askance. "You and your scheming; one day they will get you in more trouble than you can get out of. I simply do not understand it; I thought you would be proud, would want to make father and the clan proud as a pilot."

I sighed. "I do want to make them proud, but not as a pilot. The thought of wrapping myself in several tons of metal and battling my fellow Cheldrun for a living, maybe even having to kill them... that is not for me."

Ichirou's face darkened even further. His voice was taught with anger. "We 'battle our fellow Cheldrun' in individual duels of honor so that larger conflicts do not become necessary. Sure, there are fatalities every once in a while, but they are nothing compared to the numbers that would die in more traditional warfare. And you dare to look down upon us for this?" By the end he was nearly shouting.

"No brother, I do not look down upon the pilots. I have nothing but respect for what you and father and all the others do; you fight so that the rest of us do not have to. But there are other kinds of fights than physical, and it is to those that I feel myself drawn. You keep the various cities from outright conflict, but in the end all it does is maintain the status quo! I want to actually make a difference! I want to improve the life of my fellow Cheldrun in a meaningful way! Damn it, we cling to the mecha as the last vestige of our honor, the last important thing we are allowed to do in this world, like it is a rock in a swollen river! But they do not define us; we are more than simply mecha pilots, but if we continue the way we are that is all anyone, including we ourselves, will remember us as! Don't you see, I do not want to be a pilot because I need to prove that an Allskin can actually make a difference without a mecha! I need to prove it to you, and to myself and to everyone."

Ichirou looked at me sternly, but no longer with anger apparent. "I am not sure I will ever understand you, Kiyoshi."

"And as your brother, I am asking you to trust me anyway."

"In that case, of course. I apologize for my earlier temper; I misjudged your intentions. If you wish to bring honor to the clan in a manner other than being a mecha pilot, I will support you as well as I can. I am sure that father will say the same."

"Actually, father understands me better than you would think. He has already set up a meeting for me with his old friend, Lord Tsuchinaga Yamoto."

"That old lech? What good will he do you?"

"He is a Director of Goshi Corp. He says he might be able to get me a job there, eventually. I would like to work in Personnel so that I can help to improve the worker's conditions, but I will take what I can get and go from there."

"Kiyoshi, you are sixteen. I do not think you will be moving the world just yet."

"No, maybe not. But every journey must be taken one step at a time, and this could be my first step. Apparently I might be able to start at a low level position in Public Relations dealing with Karians of all things..."

*FLASH*

"And how do you feel about Karians now, Kiyoshi?"

I am once again floating in the blackness. The Void? Before me stands Una. "What do you mean?"

"Back then, and not very long ago for that matter, you considered Karians inherently inferior to Cheldrun. Do you still feel that way about my people?" She looks at me with tears in her eyes. "About me?"

I shake my head. "It is not that I considered them less it is just... they are not my people. I still do not understand what it is you see in me, why it is that you seem to have taken to me so, but I intend to ask you if I ever get out of here. In the last few weeks, after getting to know you, and Highdive, and Mokuzai, and Balder, and Grimm and all the rest... no, I would not call the Karians an inferior people."

"And after Nero, and Mama Pain and Katashi Blade... do you still hold your fellow Cheldrun up on such a pedestal? "

"Those are some rather extreme examples. I choose instead to look to Moses, and Yamoto, to my father and my brother, even to Rei who, despite everything, despite what she was made for, is trying for a better life and to be a better person. There is good and bad in all people, and in all peoples. I will continue to fight for the honor of the Cheldrun, because that is my duty, and to honor the vision of the First Minds. But I will no longer discount the wisdom of the Karians either."

"And what is this wisdom you seek?" The voice had changed again. I look up to find the wizened figure of Mokuzai before me now.

"These creatures that seem to feed on 'manna'. These marks, these Kata Kariana. It seems likely that Karians would know something about them."

"That we probably do, boy, that we probably do. There are thousands of secrets and bits of lore that we keep that would probably aid you."

"Like what?"

A look of annoyance passes over Mokuzai's face. "How would I know? I am not really Mokuzai, I am the personification of your concept of arcane Karian wisdom!"

"Oh. Right. Sorry, I forgot."

"One thing we will probably need your help with, though, is the Enemy. They found you, somehow, tracked you through the endless stars and now they are here to finish the job. You have seen that we are just as vulnerable to them as you are. Well, other Karians are as vulnerable to them as other Cheldrun. We may need the wisdom of the First Minds, as we have not faced such a foe before."

I frown in thought. "I remember a notice awhile back. Something that has been tickling my memory, because it seems similar. Something about dead Karians rising..."

*FLASH*

"Did you here the latest from the mines? Apparently the workers are in an uproar because some of the Gogajin are blaming the recent cave-in in Epsilon 8 on some sort of ghost called a 'Teeshee' or something. Can you imagine? I can't wait to hear what those backwards rustics come up with next!"

I heard this just as I turned the corner into the break room at Goshi Corp. It was someone in my department; Soni, or Sora or some such. I lose track of them with how quickly they transfer out; no Biomade wanted to work directly under an Allskin for long. I approached him and his laughing fellows, and was upon them before they noticed my presence. "I trust that these stories are not hurting the miners' moral, are they?"

The laughter cut off abruptly and the executives gaped at me for a moment before their leader responded. "Oh, you know Mechified; they'll believe anything they hear. I hear a lot of them don't even want to go into the sector anymore."

I frowned. "That could hurt productivity, which would discomfit Operations. And if Operations is discomfited by such a thing they will bring it to Personnel. And you can be damn sure that Personnel will bring it to PR, to my desk, to take care of. And that will mean a lot of extra paperwork. Extra work that I will be sure to delegate. So perhaps someone who seems to already be knowledgeable about the problem should take care of it before it escalates. We do not want the miners, our fellow Cheldrun who have recently suffered such a loss from the cave-in, to have to worry about silly superstitions when they will need to have safety foremost in their minds, do we?"

He sneered at me and looked like he was about to say something flippant. I simply gripped the left lens of my glasses and focused my gaze upon him, pinning him down with every once of authority I could muster. He quickly dropped his gaze and muttered, "No sir. I will get on it right away."

"That is a good man, showing some initiative. I want an announcement ready to go out about these Teeshee by tomorrow morning." I shifted my glare to take in his compatriots. "Do you gentlemen also find yourselves in need of assignments?" With hurried denials they all darted away to scurry back to their respective offices. I sighed. In order to achieve any level of respect as an Allskin Director I had to be ruthless. I went to the side table to help myself to some tea and a peanut bar.

*FLASH*

Highdive is crouched in front of me, chewing a large nut. Chew, chew. Chew, chew. Seemingly reluctant, she pulls out another one and holds it out to me. "Want one?"

I shake my head. "No, you go ahead." Without further ado she shoves it in her mouth, one cheek bulging with it as she continues to chew on the first nut. Munch, munch. Chew, chew. I clear my throat. "So, what do you represent?" She shrugs. Chew, chew. I glance about, but nothing is different. "So... did you have anything deep and important to say to me?"

She pauses for a moment, seemingly deep in thought. Finally she nods, and goes back to eating. Munch, munch. Chew, chew.

"Well?" I ask, somewhat exasperated.

She looks up at me thoughtfully and pronounces "You give good tummy rubs. You should do that more often." With a look of great dignity, she goes back to eating.

I blink. I blink again. "Oh. Okay."

Another familiar voice: "Do I get a tummy rub too?" I look up to see a too-young girl with bright pink hair. Her face changes from impish humor to... what? Wonder? "You saved my life; my soul I guess."

I want to tell her it was nothing, that it was simply my duty, but... I know she will take it the wrong way. And besides, I am not entirely sure that is the truth. All I say is "I guess I did. Are you just another figment of my imagination or are you the real Aimi projecting into my dreams again?"

She shrugs. "Does it matter?" I shake my head. Instantly she runs to me and hugs me like I am her last hope of survival. "Was that really the Enemy?"

"I... I think so." She smells good. She is fifteen! For a moment I think I see a shovel floating in midair out of the corner of my eye.

"I'm scared."

"Me too, Aimi. Me too." I stroke her hair as she clings to me.

This one is important. The voice seems to echo in my mind. "Who is there?" Aimi does not seem to notice the voice, nor that I have spoken.

She has a great part yet to play in the coming story. "Do you mean she is marked, like the rest of us? This Kata Kariana thing?"

There is more than one kind of mark. She has a destiny to fulfill. Perhaps not as great as yours, but important nonetheless. "That is not why I saved her."

I know. That is part of the reason that she is so important. "Who are you?"

*FLASH*

"Mecha are not the only First Mind artifacts that we use, as you know, simply the most prominent. Since you have chosen to pass on that particular inheritance, I present you with one that may fit you better. This is Keibatsu, the Blade of Celestial Judgment. It can cut through steel as easily as flesh, will never rust or pit, dull or break. You are sufficiently advanced in your Kenjutsu training that I believe you will make us proud by wielding this blade."

I knelt before my father and he placed Keibatsu in my hands for the first time. It seemed somehow... right.

There I am. "You are... Keibatsu?" I have been asleep for so long... but I have tasted the flesh of the Enemy once more. I begin to awaken. This is only the beginning, Kiyoshi. We are one, you and I, and we have much to do. The Enemy has returned. And I hunger.